My last shopping trip, while in my own manic state of grocery cart speed racing with toddler twins and toddler older sissy, I envisioned myself as a contestant on the modern version of Supermarket Sweep: Super-make-it Sweep. If you can make it to the finish line, or in this case, the checkout, without losing turkey franks, a child and/or your sanity—you win. If you are interested in applying to be a contestant, please see game rules below.
Official Super-make-it Sweep Rules:
- Bribery is acceptable in the following conditions:
- If you have a two-seater “car” grocery cart and three children. Ex: “Laura, if you give up your seat in the car for one of your twin sissies, I’ll give you a special treat.
- Or: “Laura, if you stop your tantrum in the parking lot, because I made you give up your seat in the car cart, I’ll give you a special treat.”
- Executing strong verbal suggestion ( a nice way to say threaten) is permitted in the following circumstances:
- “Julia and Elizabeth, if you try to escape out of the car cart, you’ll be in big trouble!”
- “Laura, if you bonk sissies on the head one more time, I’ll take away your special treat!
- “Laura, if you talk nasty to sissies one more time, I’ll take away your special—oh, wait, I’ll take away another treat I haven’t bribed you with yet!!!!”
- You will be disqualified if any of the following occur:
- One or more of your children escape from your shopping cart.
- You knock over one or more grocery display—who puts a vodka display right next to the milk aisle anyway?
- You realize after all groceries have been bagged that you forgot your wallet in the car, or worse, at home.
- You scream LOUDER than your children either on store premise, in parking lot or in your minivan.
- You break into tears, hives or hysteria at any point during your shopping experience.