This and That

After a typical full day of chasing twins and toddler, my friend Tanya and I spent some quality time kickin' back on the couch (or in my case comatosin' on the couch). We got to talking about all the things that mom's say they will never do before the sperm ever hits the egg. You know; the whole, "I'll never let them do "this" and I'll only let them do "that" schpeel. The next day while I sat idly by watching my twins eat cheerios off the kitchen floor, the remembrance of my list of the "this" and "that" I would never do as a mother had me in hysterics. Here is my top five this and that list:

1. This: I will never allow my children to eat things that have touched the floor, not even the 5- second-rule.

That: The 5-second-rule is now--uh--well, "Baby, is that a raisin in your mouth? I don't remember you having raisins today or last week, or--oh."

2. This: I will never allow my children to watch prolonged sessions of television.

That: Oh my gosh YES! Nick's having a Dora marathon! Hey Dora doesn't hurt anyone--no not even for 8 hours, I don't care what scientists say. There are worse things a three year old can mimic than "vamanos!"

3. This: My home will be totally childproof.

That: "Oh my gosh Julia, don't put your fingers in that fan," "How did that electric outlet get exposed?" "Elizabeth where on earth did you get cleaning supplies?" "Laura screw drivers are not for tickling sisssies."

4. This: I will feed my kids all healthy food, no processed stuff.

That: Corn dogs, fish sticks and mac-n-cheese are my BEST friends.

5. This: I will not punish my child in public because I won't need to

That: Seriously? Now that's just silly.