Dedicated to my good friend Laura McDavitt who like me, strives to be the Brawny mom
Have you ever considered motherhood in terms of paper towel brands? I hadn't, until my friend Laura reminded me of those great Brawny commercials. You know, the one; perfectly groomed mom and child are having a pleasant full-cooked breakfast in their immaculate, sweet eat-in kitchen. when...DUH DUH DUH...Bobby accidentally catapults his full glass of deep Barney purple grape juice onto the marble tile. Bobby looks at mom with perfect glistening baby blues. And just when you think mom is going to flip like an overdone pancake... she flashes Bobby a smile and coos in her best June Cleaver,"Oh, Bobby, it's okay!" And then she does the unthinkable and wistfully tears a single ply of Brawny paper towel and soaks up that entire glass of spilled grape juice. Mom and Bobby spend the rest of the day doing scheduled craft time, a tambourine duet to twinkle twinkle little star, bake perfect Betty Crocker cookies, and nap together in a field of Daisies before Pop comes home to the four course meal they prepared together.
Now, let's consider Always Save Paper Towels. Wonder why you've never seen one of their commercials? Because this is what would happen ... Enter mom and Billy both still in pajamas and unruly hair. They sit at a table donned with papers of every kind, last nights dinner scraps, and holy smokies...is that a dead spider - no make that live spider? Mom and Billy ignore the trash pile that was once a table and continue to devour generic Happy O's cereal with questionable/possibly expired milk. Billy, startled by approaching spider, slings grape juice on spider and all over white carpet. Mom immediately screams, "Dog nabbit Billy!" (or worse) and takes one entire roll of Always Save and beats it on the juice pile. Mom's still screaming and now splashing residual grape juice against the wall with paper towel roll while Billy starts throwing Happy O's at her. Mom and Billy spend the rest of the day alternately in time out, eating last week's leftovers, watching hours of TV, and have a frozen dinner waiting for Pop, who is home an hour late.